The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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