hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
