what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
