i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
