it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
