well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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