theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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