I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a search helicopter?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
