Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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