can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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