There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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