So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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