I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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