I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
