I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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