I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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