just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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