peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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