Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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