i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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