He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize