this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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