I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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