I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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