he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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