I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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