Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
