My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize