She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
