She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
