Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
