The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
