He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
