oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
