I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
