dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
