How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
