..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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