Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
