So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
