I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
