Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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