i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
