my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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