how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
