the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
