I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize