My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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