so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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