Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
