I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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