just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
