There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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