Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I cockslap morals
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
