he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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