Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize