Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
