Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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