Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
