Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
