I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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