White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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