I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
