His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
