So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize