That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
