they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
