Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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