I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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