just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
