no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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