Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
