All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
