Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
