Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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