oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
