Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i've created a new STD.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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