i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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