When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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