Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My life is pants optional.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
