hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
