a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
