i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
