We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
