in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
