I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
