dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His hands were made for my vagina.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
