I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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