I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize