I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
