Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
