U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
