hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
