that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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