Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
