She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
