i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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