Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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