well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
