is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize