she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
