I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
