trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
