I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize