I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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