dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize