you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
