WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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