I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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