yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
