Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
