I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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